What was…

March 1, 2006

The question was, "If you were a pet, what would you be and why?" Previous answers were a dog and a rat. His response was, "Pusa na lang…kasi malambing ako, parang pusa," I cannot describe what I felt at that time. My smile and laughter was swept away by the alien emotion gushing inside me. I found myself in a backtrack of time for at least a minute before I realized where I was and what I’m supposed to be there for. Back to…

    October 29, 2004. After about three hours of strolling, dinner and nonsense talk, we were about to go home. I was     stalling for time while he was rushing, afraid his fater might scold him for going home so late. He looked back at         me for the nth time and I rushed to him, circling my hands around his arm. He was smiling when he said, "Alam         mo, ang sarap mong maglambing," "Parang pusa?" I asked. "Oo, parang pusa," and then he smiled.

After hearing my, or rather, our words spoken about a year after, I was dumbfounded. Does he still remember it? Or was the phrase already in his mind? Honestly, I could have cried. How I would have loved to be the one he was with that night! How  I would have loved asking him if he still remembered when he gets down the stage. But alas, Im only left with unanswered questions and troubling memories.

Too bad I can only hope. But hoping for that is now a luxury I cannot afford. And the privilege of not having that luxury, something I cannot lose…