February 11, 2008 - My date with Morrie…

I read Tuesdays with Morrie today in one sitting, and I can’t stop the tears that fell on my cheeks as I finished it. Embarrassed, as I was in the office at the time, I stopped a while, and with book held on the side of my cheek, I brush the tears away…

The passages are simple, the words easy to understand—no flowery words nor phrases with deep meanings, but it struck me as I believe it did all others who read the book. And I realized that it’s because, in the end, I didn’t want Morrie to die. Because I wanted to be able to meet him someday, that I too, can get my share of his knowledge and guidance. Because I was envious of Mitch for having this kind of mentor in his life.

…Because I so desperately need a Morrie in my life right now, and reading of his death made me wonder if there is someone else in the world just like him.

“What happened to me?”

This is the question that ive been asking myself a lot lately. I keep wondering why I can’t keep my interest for long, why I decide on something, and if I don’t get it at that time, I lose track of it, I forget it altogether. I wonder when and where I lost my zeal, my passion, my interest, and I ask myself when did I become mediocre and allowed myself the kind of life im living right now.

And alas, I still don’t know the answer.. I can create a plan, I can write a list, but that will not ensure that I can replenish myself of my lost energies, nor that I can wake up from the stupor of hopelessness and helplessness I fin d myself waddling in right now. I can try, but what if I become disappointed again? I can hope, but what if nothing happens?

Im falling deeper and deeper into this abyss and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I want to live.

I want to live…